How to Keep the Intimacy in Your Marriage

April 10th, 2018

Sometimes, I think people assume that because my husband, Gary, and I are pastors, we just flow through the day, fanning each other with palm leaves, feeding each other grapes, and speaking to each other in the Spirit...

Ha!

Yes, we love and adore each other, but we have to invest into our marriage the same way anyone does!

There are wonderful moments when we are rested, connected, and at our best, but much of the time, we are busy preaching at events, writing, managing businesses, being parents to five, and grandparents to seven. During those busy seasons, it takes an extra effort to make the time to connect.

I often say, “There are no perfect relationships, only relationships perfected by God’s grace.”

There were times, early on in our marriage, when Gary and I were at odds with each other. When Gary would go hunting, I felt resentful because I wanted his help around the house.

The problem wasn’t the fact that he went hunting; it was the insecurities about being a new wife that it confirmed in me.

Was I failing as a wife? Did he want to get away from me? Did he plan on leaving all of the work for me while he always went and did his thing?

My fear about voicing those feelings became a hurdle for our marriage—but once Gary and I took the time to talk about them, I quickly realized I was projecting my insecurities onto Gary.

He loved me, he wanted to spend time with me, and his desire to go hunting didn’t mean he loved me any less. In fact, he wanted to show his love for me by providing for me!

When I asked, Gary was more than happy to stay back and help take care of chores around the house before he went out hunting. We got through the tough times and busy seasons of life with God’s grace! We learned to trust God for the outcome and to work together to tackle His vision for our family.

Marriages are so important to God, and I want to help you keep your marriage strong.

That’s why I wanted to share these tips to help you keep the love and intimacy in your marriage, even in the busiest seasons of life, by using God’s Word and a little hard work and patience.

Scare Tactics

The enemy will try to come against your marriage. Period! He doesn’t want you to fulfill your God-designed purpose, and he’s going to try to be the wedge between you and your spouse. Don’t let him be that wedge!

We keep the devil out of our marriages by keeping the Holy Spirit strong in our marriages! The Word of God is the glue that holds your relationship together. Read it, pray it, and speak it over your spouse constantly.

Psalm 46:1 tells us, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.”

God is our refuge!

Think about the roof over your head. That’s a physical shelter, a protection, from the storms that may come. Well, God’s Word is your protection, your refuge. Don’t leave your marriage exposed to the schemes of the devil by getting away from it.

I know what you’re thinking... “I’m so tired at the end of the day, I just want to fall into bed.” I know the busy seasons make us, tired and sometimes burnt out, but when you don’t feel like praying in the Spirit, that’s the very moment you need to pray in the Spirit...

Make Time for Date Night... No Matter What

When you hear this suggestion from friends and family, do you look at the mountains of laundry; dirty dishes in the sink; and sticky faces and fingers on children that need fed, bathed, and put to bed and think, Are you kidding?

Trust me, I’ve been there! That’s why I want to give you a few tips that will help you stay connected even when you don’t have a lot of time.

Did you know that when you hug someone, your brain releases endorphins? Hugs can even reduce blood pressure. The power of a nice, long hug is truly amazing! Taking just a few seconds to hug your partner can reaffirm your love in a big way!

We spend so much time hugging our children, but how much time do we spend hugging and kissing our spouses? Just remembering to be affectionate can make a big difference in a marriage.

The Amazing Power of a Positive Word

Marriage is often interrupted by hundreds of daily parenting tasks, so finding time is difficult. But how much time does it take to write a few positive words, like “I love you,” on a Post-it note and leave it somewhere your spouse will see it?

First Thessalonians 5:11 tells us, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

Life can be full of hiccups, unexpected circumstances, and daily to-do lists, so interrupting the daily chaos with positive words of encouragement can do wonders in a marriage. It will help your partner feel appreciated, and it will encourage them to do the same!

Scheduling Time

So much of what we see in the culture paints an unrealistic standard of intimacy and romance. If a man isn’t standing in the rain, holding roses, and promising the world, we think we are missing out.

But true intimacy is so much more than a scene from a movie. It's finding a best friend who you can share your hopes, dreams, and fears with. Some of the best memories I have with my husband aren’t the romantic, candlelit dinners or extravagant surprise trips or gifts.

In fact, just a few months ago, we were in a very busy season, constantly on-the-go, preaching at conferences, in and out of meetings, writing, and more! After all that running around, we finally took a few days for ourselves and went to Florida. The first couple of days it rained and that was fine. We just relaxed, talked, and prayed together. It was so powerful. It just spoke truth into my heart and broke through any lie the enemy was trying to plant in my mind.

That’s intimacy ... taking the time to lift each other up in love.

When life is busy, we seem to schedule everything but time with our spouses. Be careful! The enemy thrives on getting distance between couples, so when you make a serious and constant commitment to sit down and talk, you are growing closer to each other and to God’s purpose for your family!

Marriage isn’t easy, but it's worth it! No matter what you are facing in your marriage, God is with you and will carry you through the hard times.

I hope these tips have given you the encouragement you need to reconnect with your spouse, so you can have a strong, united front in your marriage and in God’s purpose for your marriage!


For more on my personal insights and advice on keeping your marriage strong, click HERE!